Artist Statement/Life Statement * Bio * My Story and Why I Make Art
July 28, 2020: The day I was given new life.
The moment I woke from my life saving kidney transplant, I instantly knew I was a new person. Stabbing pain in my abdomen and wildfires blazing throughout my entire body, black venom pouring out of me. Everything in the recovery room was in tones of red. The deep alizarin crimsons and hot cadmiums; searing into me, rage burning my insides. The colors so overwhelmingly intense, yet so stunningly beautiful at the exact same time. Contrasting harmoniously were the pastel pinkie reds, the colors softer than velvet; rosy quinacridones, mixing into the fresh frosting-thick titanium white, creating cotton candy and bubble gum pinks. The sweet colors were singing lullabies to me; sounds of crystal harps and shimmering violins, reverberating in and around this pastel pinkie cloud-haze that was surrounding me, comforting me, and protecting me fiercely. My heart was feeling so divinely full of love from my precious sister, because I knew she was only a few hours ahead of me, in recovery, and feeling this exact indescribable pain; all for me, and all for the sake that I would return to being healthy again.
In 2018, I graduated with my BFA in Studio Art, magna cum laude, from Appalachian State University in Boone, North Carolina. I had the world ahead of me; I was applying for my graduate degree, with big plans for my future, big dreams. During this transition, I was beginning to learn that my creatinine levels were elevated, which meant that I was losing my kidney function. There were so many questions and unknowns as to what this actually meant, and how it was going to impact my life. Needless to say, my dreams had to be pushed to the side when, I would come to devastatingly understand that I was about to face dialysis; and if I was “lucky”, a transplant… Lucky? That sounded pretty unlucky to me. I felt heartbroken, and I kept wondering, why this happening to me? Now I know that I had it backwards all along! The gift of a transplant is actually out-of-this-world lucky. A transplant is the gift of a new life; second chances, rebirth. Receiving my sister’s kidney is the most precious and honorable gift I have ever been given; and it will be for the rest of my existence. A transplant is way more than lucky; it transcends luck; it's hard work, determination and dedication, it is a true miracle! I confronted my biggest fear and beat it to the ground on July 28th, 2020; I went to war that day, and I won. I woke seeing the world with fresh eyes, my new truth proved to me that I can do anything I put my heart and mind to. This next level of consciousness opened up a new mindset of what I am actually capable of accomplishing in my lifetime. Power of thought, power of mind. I possess power with visualization, I have agency; and so do you!
As a professional studio artist, my research primarily consists of love life and new beginnings. I see my future and I know where I am going. Not because I am psychic, but because I see and can articulate my goals and dreams clearly and I know how to manifest into reality. Discovering life and its purpose through gratitude. I feel enlightenment and power, when I create my work. This is a concept that can be learned; that art is wellness and a way to live creatively. It isn’t just a career to me, it’s the whole package, it’s survival, it’s a way of life. Making paintings about my life is something I have always done. My life is my art, and my art is my life; one cannot survive without the other. It is how I understand and process what is happening to me; good and bad. The painting process is just as important to me as the final product. When I sit down to paint, I enter a new stream of consciousness and a mind over body meditation takes over. It is a place where I can create and access the divine. Painting is my life, language, and religion; it is my higher power; and it’s how I communicate and connect with others. My work isn't dark, but it is deep, poetic; it tells a story, it’s a narrative and my own memoir about how I survived a kidney transplant.
July 28, 2020: The day I was given new life.
The moment I woke from my life saving kidney transplant, I instantly knew I was a new person. Stabbing pain in my abdomen and wildfires blazing throughout my entire body, black venom pouring out of me. Everything in the recovery room was in tones of red. The deep alizarin crimsons and hot cadmiums; searing into me, rage burning my insides. The colors so overwhelmingly intense, yet so stunningly beautiful at the exact same time. Contrasting harmoniously were the pastel pinkie reds, the colors softer than velvet; rosy quinacridones, mixing into the fresh frosting-thick titanium white, creating cotton candy and bubble gum pinks. The sweet colors were singing lullabies to me; sounds of crystal harps and shimmering violins, reverberating in and around this pastel pinkie cloud-haze that was surrounding me, comforting me, and protecting me fiercely. My heart was feeling so divinely full of love from my precious sister, because I knew she was only a few hours ahead of me, in recovery, and feeling this exact indescribable pain; all for me, and all for the sake that I would return to being healthy again.
In 2018, I graduated with my BFA in Studio Art, magna cum laude, from Appalachian State University in Boone, North Carolina. I had the world ahead of me; I was applying for my graduate degree, with big plans for my future, big dreams. During this transition, I was beginning to learn that my creatinine levels were elevated, which meant that I was losing my kidney function. There were so many questions and unknowns as to what this actually meant, and how it was going to impact my life. Needless to say, my dreams had to be pushed to the side when, I would come to devastatingly understand that I was about to face dialysis; and if I was “lucky”, a transplant… Lucky? That sounded pretty unlucky to me. I felt heartbroken, and I kept wondering, why this happening to me? Now I know that I had it backwards all along! The gift of a transplant is actually out-of-this-world lucky. A transplant is the gift of a new life; second chances, rebirth. Receiving my sister’s kidney is the most precious and honorable gift I have ever been given; and it will be for the rest of my existence. A transplant is way more than lucky; it transcends luck; it's hard work, determination and dedication, it is a true miracle! I confronted my biggest fear and beat it to the ground on July 28th, 2020; I went to war that day, and I won. I woke seeing the world with fresh eyes, my new truth proved to me that I can do anything I put my heart and mind to. This next level of consciousness opened up a new mindset of what I am actually capable of accomplishing in my lifetime. Power of thought, power of mind. I possess power with visualization, I have agency; and so do you!
As a professional studio artist, my research primarily consists of love life and new beginnings. I see my future and I know where I am going. Not because I am psychic, but because I see and can articulate my goals and dreams clearly and I know how to manifest into reality. Discovering life and its purpose through gratitude. I feel enlightenment and power, when I create my work. This is a concept that can be learned; that art is wellness and a way to live creatively. It isn’t just a career to me, it’s the whole package, it’s survival, it’s a way of life. Making paintings about my life is something I have always done. My life is my art, and my art is my life; one cannot survive without the other. It is how I understand and process what is happening to me; good and bad. The painting process is just as important to me as the final product. When I sit down to paint, I enter a new stream of consciousness and a mind over body meditation takes over. It is a place where I can create and access the divine. Painting is my life, language, and religion; it is my higher power; and it’s how I communicate and connect with others. My work isn't dark, but it is deep, poetic; it tells a story, it’s a narrative and my own memoir about how I survived a kidney transplant.
My scar is my tattoo, it's my battle scar, it reminds me of everything I went through. It reminds me of my victory. And most importantly it reminds me of my sister and what she did for me. Next level love.